I feel like there's more to this story than you're letting on. These types of deep-rooted emotional hang ups is usually tied to something in your childhood. There's a deep sense of guilt and shame towards anything sexual, and there's definitely a sense of a struggle with feelings of worth when it comes to romantic relationships. (I also struggle with that at times) I would definitely seek therapy with a certified sex/relationship therapist to deal with those issues and get you back on the road to a healthy relationship with a woman who appreciates you for being a bisexual hetero-romantic individual. (There are plenty of those around, let me tell ya!)
You have got to decide what you want. If you want a stable partnership you know you are going about it the wrong way. If you jump too quickly into bed with men you hardly know your relationship never develops into a potential dating relationship, because you short-circuited the early days of getting to know one another. I think perhaps you could talk to your therapist about what your actual life goals are. What do you want your life to look like in 5 or 10 years? Just going from one hookup to another means you are avoiding what for you is the more challenging part, which is building an emotional connection and finding a man who is stable and loyal. Your behavior does seem compulsive and I am not getting the impression you are happy. You may need to put yourself on a sex fast. You will have to choose and decide that sex will be off the table for a while and focus on the undeveloped areas, like developing deep friendship in your romantic relationship and having other interests. How old are you BTW?
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There are many view points on this but at least think first about your own sexual exploration without value judgement. I think it is perfectly healthy that you decided to visit NYC to have sex with a partner who is acceptable to you. I suspect it is not just physical play or process but you were probably ready to enjoy sex on your own terms. – also it sounds like this partner was sensually generous and cared about your emotional comfort and your pleasure. He also did not just focus on penis like many men who participate in casual hookups. It may have something to do with you being mentally ready to enjoy casual sex. I think it is all good thing.
My husband was my first, and we were together for 21 years. During that time on occasion I did wonder what it would be like to sleep with other people but it was a fleeting thought. After he left I slept with a few guys and realised that ONS do nothing for me, I have to have at least some kind of emotional connection with the other person. It's been just over 8 years since he left, and I would be more than happy to be with just the one person who I really cared about for the rest of my life.
The trick is pretty much to do something that is a bit of a surprise because it's something that you have never done before. Which doesn't necessarily mean that you have to reinvent sex all together, but it probably means that one of the things that you already do can fare well if you do it in a different way than usual or in a place where you don't usually do it. A lot of the suggestions you get so far (and more to come, I assume…) are going to be about giving him oral. Think about it for two seconds. How do you usually do it when you please him with your mouth? If you usually do it kind of fast and fierce, how about instead doing it deliberately slow and calm? It would, of course, mean that you get to do it for a longer time than usual. Which can in itself be different in awesome ways. You can add an element of teasing (which can totally start as a slow and gentle thing…) to it and deliberately keep him on the edge rather than falling over the edge. Or, make it a thing to find out how many times you can get him off in…say…two hours? (two hours of oral is kind of a champion goal to begin with, if you have never done it for more than 15 minutes, don't aim for 120. Just saying…) Or, show him AFTER he's gotten off that an erection is not strictly speaking necessary for him to be pleased and get off again. (and, you mouth can be gentle in a way that fits PERFECT for that type of thing.) You can give him oral without deliberately stimulating him. I.e, just have him in your mouth. And give him the occasional deliberate nudge when it feels like he can need one. If he is as much of a giver as you describe him, maybe it'll be fun to show him what YOUR orgasms feels like? Find a way to have him in you WHILE you please yourself. With your hands or a vibrator, if you have one. You will get a nice presence inside you while you feel the nice things, and HE will be on the front row feeling your muscle contractions from within. Chances are that he'll absolutely love it. You can also simply make up your mind about how you want him to get off multiple times during the evening and run a rotation of sorts hands – mouth – puss' (in any order you fancy) where the only rule is that you most of the time DO something, and if what you do happens to inspire you to want to feel him inside you, don't be shy and just do it. Maybe you want to try a bit of start-stop sex? The idea is, simplified, that you get him in. And have two-three strokes (just enough that he starts to like it…) and then get him out again. Start over an hour later and have two or three. And so on. Keep it up all day, and you'll be VERY worked up come evening, both of you. (can also be pretty interesting combined with an element of sneaking away because there are other people around.) Perhaps (if you two have had a consent talk about it) make it a thing to wake him up with your mouth several mornings in a row? Or, tell him that you want to have him in you when you fall a sleep? Or, (if you have had that kind of consent talk) wait til he falls asleep and then figure out a way to have him in you so that you can gently wake him up? Think about it, is any of this speaking to you or sort of speaking to you?
Okay, hear me out. Does she use tampons? Because this can and has happened to multiple women, believe it or not…that they forget to remove a tampon (no joke). There was a woman who actually forgot that she had a tampon in her vagina for almost two years. She had no idea…but there was always a smell and she was having vaginal issues and couldn’t figure out why. I forgot how they finally figured it out but ….apparently it does and can happen.
I really like hearing it, and it's usually uncontrollable for me, especially when I cum! But not all women are like that. Sort of like how some people cry out when they're in pain, it's such an intense sensation and it's pretty common in general to be unable to control the sounds you make when you're having good sex!
A throwaway account aka burner account is a fake account…. ?
It's not the feeling I would have. I'd be really pissed.
I was getting flashbacks from sex/life reading this.
I feel like there's more to this story than you're letting on. These types of deep-rooted emotional hang ups is usually tied to something in your childhood. There's a deep sense of guilt and shame towards anything sexual, and there's definitely a sense of a struggle with feelings of worth when it comes to romantic relationships. (I also struggle with that at times) I would definitely seek therapy with a certified sex/relationship therapist to deal with those issues and get you back on the road to a healthy relationship with a woman who appreciates you for being a bisexual hetero-romantic individual. (There are plenty of those around, let me tell ya!)
You have got to decide what you want. If you want a stable partnership you know you are going about it the wrong way. If you jump too quickly into bed with men you hardly know your relationship never develops into a potential dating relationship, because you short-circuited the early days of getting to know one another. I think perhaps you could talk to your therapist about what your actual life goals are. What do you want your life to look like in 5 or 10 years? Just going from one hookup to another means you are avoiding what for you is the more challenging part, which is building an emotional connection and finding a man who is stable and loyal. Your behavior does seem compulsive and I am not getting the impression you are happy. You may need to put yourself on a sex fast. You will have to choose and decide that sex will be off the table for a while and focus on the undeveloped areas, like developing deep friendship in your romantic relationship and having other interests. How old are you BTW?
Your post has been automatically removed because it appears to lack a descriptive title. Please resubmit the post with a title which better reflects its content. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
There are many view points on this but at least think first about your own sexual exploration without value judgement. I think it is perfectly healthy that you decided to visit NYC to have sex with a partner who is acceptable to you. I suspect it is not just physical play or process but you were probably ready to enjoy sex on your own terms. – also it sounds like this partner was sensually generous and cared about your emotional comfort and your pleasure. He also did not just focus on penis like many men who participate in casual hookups. It may have something to do with you being mentally ready to enjoy casual sex. I think it is all good thing.
Does tinder work for an average looking dude?
My husband was my first, and we were together for 21 years. During that time on occasion I did wonder what it would be like to sleep with other people but it was a fleeting thought. After he left I slept with a few guys and realised that ONS do nothing for me, I have to have at least some kind of emotional connection with the other person. It's been just over 8 years since he left, and I would be more than happy to be with just the one person who I really cared about for the rest of my life.
The trick is pretty much to do something that is a bit of a surprise because it's something that you have never done before. Which doesn't necessarily mean that you have to reinvent sex all together, but it probably means that one of the things that you already do can fare well if you do it in a different way than usual or in a place where you don't usually do it. A lot of the suggestions you get so far (and more to come, I assume…) are going to be about giving him oral. Think about it for two seconds. How do you usually do it when you please him with your mouth? If you usually do it kind of fast and fierce, how about instead doing it deliberately slow and calm? It would, of course, mean that you get to do it for a longer time than usual. Which can in itself be different in awesome ways. You can add an element of teasing (which can totally start as a slow and gentle thing…) to it and deliberately keep him on the edge rather than falling over the edge. Or, make it a thing to find out how many times you can get him off in…say…two hours? (two hours of oral is kind of a champion goal to begin with, if you have never done it for more than 15 minutes, don't aim for 120. Just saying…) Or, show him AFTER he's gotten off that an erection is not strictly speaking necessary for him to be pleased and get off again. (and, you mouth can be gentle in a way that fits PERFECT for that type of thing.) You can give him oral without deliberately stimulating him. I.e, just have him in your mouth. And give him the occasional deliberate nudge when it feels like he can need one. If he is as much of a giver as you describe him, maybe it'll be fun to show him what YOUR orgasms feels like? Find a way to have him in you WHILE you please yourself. With your hands or a vibrator, if you have one. You will get a nice presence inside you while you feel the nice things, and HE will be on the front row feeling your muscle contractions from within. Chances are that he'll absolutely love it. You can also simply make up your mind about how you want him to get off multiple times during the evening and run a rotation of sorts hands – mouth – puss' (in any order you fancy) where the only rule is that you most of the time DO something, and if what you do happens to inspire you to want to feel him inside you, don't be shy and just do it. Maybe you want to try a bit of start-stop sex? The idea is, simplified, that you get him in. And have two-three strokes (just enough that he starts to like it…) and then get him out again. Start over an hour later and have two or three. And so on. Keep it up all day, and you'll be VERY worked up come evening, both of you. (can also be pretty interesting combined with an element of sneaking away because there are other people around.) Perhaps (if you two have had a consent talk about it) make it a thing to wake him up with your mouth several mornings in a row? Or, tell him that you want to have him in you when you fall a sleep? Or, (if you have had that kind of consent talk) wait til he falls asleep and then figure out a way to have him in you so that you can gently wake him up? Think about it, is any of this speaking to you or sort of speaking to you?
you would be worried?
What are “penis enlargement exercises” ? You mean you were pumping?
For me they do. I like to feel skin on skin, I also like to feel my partner cum inside me.
Let’s do it I’d love for you to sit on my face and drowned me
how so? could you explain? i edited to sayin explicitly do not want that?
Okay, hear me out. Does she use tampons? Because this can and has happened to multiple women, believe it or not…that they forget to remove a tampon (no joke). There was a woman who actually forgot that she had a tampon in her vagina for almost two years. She had no idea…but there was always a smell and she was having vaginal issues and couldn’t figure out why. I forgot how they finally figured it out but ….apparently it does and can happen.
I really like hearing it, and it's usually uncontrollable for me, especially when I cum! But not all women are like that. Sort of like how some people cry out when they're in pain, it's such an intense sensation and it's pretty common in general to be unable to control the sounds you make when you're having good sex!