Hmm. Everyone's different, so first of all know your body. Someone on here recently mentioned vulva mapping, if you don't feel like you have a specific grasp on the kind of stimulation you like, maybe start there. But one of the most common misconceptions is the existence of a vaginal orgasm in and of itself. Note I said I orgasm from penetration – the orgasm still originates in the clit, sometimes with a bit of assist from the g-spot. So for me, most of it is finding the angle and rhythm of thrust that will help my partner's body (I guess the pubic mound, for the most part) rub up against my clit. The penis inside provides some stimulation and some pressure toward the clit, but it's not the main event. The motion is more of a grinding than thrusting. All of this is also specific to the partner and their body, so it takes some trial and error with a new person. It also depends on your anatomy. How covered up is your clit, and what kind of stimulation do you like? Do you have to pull your labia apart by hand, or does that lead to overstimulation? Mary Roach's book Bonk has a pretty good description of the mechanics. Beyond that, different people need different kinds and levels of foreplay and/or emotional comfort with the partner, I do think I'm a bit of an outlier. But I also think if women knew their bodies and desires better, I wouldn't be quite so unusual. Lastly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not cumming from penetration. Actually, if you stop thinking of it as a “vaginal orgasm” and think of it more like cumming *during* penetration, that frees you up to add or ask for any kind of stimulation that gets you there – whether that's a ton of foreplay, a finger (yours or theirs) or a vibrator.
![](/cs/camsoda2500.jpg")
Yeah, that's true. But low effort, low reward? I'd take sex over sexting any day, especially since we only live 2h away from each other.
Hmm. Everyone's different, so first of all know your body. Someone on here recently mentioned vulva mapping, if you don't feel like you have a specific grasp on the kind of stimulation you like, maybe start there. But one of the most common misconceptions is the existence of a vaginal orgasm in and of itself. Note I said I orgasm from penetration – the orgasm still originates in the clit, sometimes with a bit of assist from the g-spot. So for me, most of it is finding the angle and rhythm of thrust that will help my partner's body (I guess the pubic mound, for the most part) rub up against my clit. The penis inside provides some stimulation and some pressure toward the clit, but it's not the main event. The motion is more of a grinding than thrusting. All of this is also specific to the partner and their body, so it takes some trial and error with a new person. It also depends on your anatomy. How covered up is your clit, and what kind of stimulation do you like? Do you have to pull your labia apart by hand, or does that lead to overstimulation? Mary Roach's book Bonk has a pretty good description of the mechanics. Beyond that, different people need different kinds and levels of foreplay and/or emotional comfort with the partner, I do think I'm a bit of an outlier. But I also think if women knew their bodies and desires better, I wouldn't be quite so unusual. Lastly, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not cumming from penetration. Actually, if you stop thinking of it as a “vaginal orgasm” and think of it more like cumming *during* penetration, that frees you up to add or ask for any kind of stimulation that gets you there – whether that's a ton of foreplay, a finger (yours or theirs) or a vibrator.