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  1. There is no formula that will fix this because sex is an art. I have been in relationships where blow jobs seem like a total chore, something I really have to force myself to do, and relationships where I feel like I’m a blow job goddess and it’s my favorite thing ever. Think about what is hot to you and her about blow jobs in the first place. Do you get off on her looking up at you with puppy dog eyes with your dick in her mouth? Or perhaps a devilish gleam as she glides her teeth along your head just to remind you she’s the one in control and could bite you at any moment, but chooses not to? What does she get off on about blow jobs? Think about what is actually HOT about the blow job, and it becomes way less of a “problem” or something where you think of her as inept or where she feels inept- problems and ineptitude are SO not hot. I would take a break from blow jobs altogether until you can get your imagination running on what exactly you and she would like out of them. At this point, it sounds like you’re making associations that will be very hard to undo later on. It also sounds like you’re taking a pretty mechanical approach. Don’t get me wrong, the mechanics matter, but blow jobs aren’t just a series of motions gone through to get a penis to ejaculate. Here’s an example of how a blow job could go: Maybe she whispers in your ear about how she’s going to put her filthy mouth on your dick and make you beg for more while she touches you with her hand. Maybe she kisses your inner thighs so you have a view of her amazing ass, and you cannot believe your luck that you get to be with someone so gorgeous and say so. Then maybe she brings her mouth to the head of your dick and plays dumb, saying, wait, did you want me to put this in my MOUTH? To which you laugh and go, stop torturing me! And she laughs too, only you can feel the vibrations of her laughter because now her mouth is wrapped around your dick and it feels amazing. She gags a little bit, for some reason you love that sound, and you tell her you do. She breaks contact with your dick to say, I know you also love it when my spit is all over you, and uses that spit as lube to play with you with her hand. And maybe you love butt play, so then she puts your dick back in her mouth and wraps a hand around you, squeezing your buttcheek as a silent promise that makes you moan, and slips a finger in your asshole. You exclaim and she moans on your dick, she loves making you happy. (Perhaps five or ten minutes have gone by at this point, but who the fuck cares or is counting? Neither of you is in any rush and there is no agenda.) At this point you’re sooooo horny for her. You whisper something sexy in her ear, grab the condom, and then flip her around and finish off doggy style in her. You tell her how amazing she made you feel and that you want her to feel amazing. You ask her to touch herself so you can watch, and you tell her everything you love about her body and everything you appreciate about who she is while she cums. Then you cuddle and do some aftercare like talking or drinking tea or something. Notice how in the above example, nothing was really “foreplay”. It’s just all play. Focus on what’s hot and what you actually want, not just on what you think it’s supposed to be like. “Supposed to be” is another enormous buzzkill in the bedroom. Nobody likes to feel like they are bad at sex or like their partner is trying to fix them. I would highly recommend focusing on how YOU can be a better lover. Ask lots of questions, pay attention, care about what she wants, take your time to savor it all, and my guess is that she’ll follow suit. Pay attention to your emotional life. Good communication extends to all aspects of a relationship. The relationship in which I hated giving blow jobs most was one where we had a lot of resentment built up. I was convinced at that time that I was just “bad at blow jobs” but then I was magically amazing at them when I was with a partner who respected me and who I had a lot of respect for. This kind of stuff doesn’t have quick answers to get you off faster, it requires personal growth and maturity.

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